Alternate Musical Terms for the non-Musician

Obligato – being forced to practice
Metronome – short, city musician who can fit into a Honda Civic 
Lento – the days leading up to Easto
Largo – beer brewed in Germany for the Florida Keys
Piu Animato – clean out the cat’s litter box
Con Spirito – drunk again
Colla Voce – this shirt is so tight I can’t sing
Improvisation – what you do when the music falls down
Prelude – warm-up before the clever stuff
Flats – English apartments
Chords – things organists play with one finger
Discords – thing that organists play with two fingers
Suspended Chords – useful for lynching the vocalist
Time Signatures – things for drummers to ignore
Melody – an ancient, now almost extinct, art in songwriting
Klavierstuck – A term used by German furniture movers attempting to get a piano through a narrow doorway.
Music Stand – An intricate device used to hold music. Comes in two
sizes – too high or too low – always broken.
Tonic – A medicinal drink consumed in great quantity before a performance, and in greater quantity afterward.
Dominant – What parents must be if they expect their children to practice.
Concert Hall
– A place where large audiences gather, for the sole purpose of removing paper wrappings from candy and gum.
Sotto Voce – singing while drunk
Agogic – playing high enough on an oboe to make the eyes bulge.
Cadenza – slapping noise on office furniture
Fandango – grabbing the pull chain on the ceiling fan
Prima Volta – jump start with a battery
Refrain – proper technique for playing bagpipes
Smorzando – with melted chocolate and marshmallow