(by Tom Hurd on piano-teachers@yahoo.com)
In order to keep you abreast of the ever-developing world of musical terminology, we provide herewith the latest additions to the esteemed Harvard Dictionary of Music:
- ADAGIO FORMAGGIO. To play in a slow and cheesymanner
- ALLREGRETTO When you’re 16 measures into the piece and realize you took too fast a tempo
- ANDANTE A musical composition that is infernally slow.
- ANTIPHONAL Referring to the prohibition of cell phones in the concert hall.
- ANGUS DEI To play with a divinely beefy tone
- A PATELLA Accompanied by knee-slapping
- APPOLOGGIATURA A composition, solo or instrument that you regret playing
- APPROXIMATURA A series of notes not intended by the composer, yet played with an “I meant to do that” attitude
- APPROXIMENTO A musical entrance that is somewhere in the vicinity of the correct pitch
- BARLINE What musicians form after a concert
- CACOPHANY A composition incorporating many people with chest colds
- CONCERTO GROSSISSIMO A really bad performance
- CORAL SYMPHONY A large, multi-movement work from Beethoven’s Caribbean Period
- CORNETTI TROMBOSIS DISASTROUS Entanglement of brass instruments that can occur when musicians exit hasitly down the stage stairs.
- DILL PICCOLINI An exceedingly small wind instrument that plays only sour notes
- FERMANTRA A note held over and over and over and over and …
- FERMOOTA A note of dubious value held for indefinite length
- FIDDLER CRABS Grumpy string players
- FOG HORNOSO A sound that is heard when the conductor’s intentions are not clear
- FLUTE FLIES Those tiny mosquitos that bother musicians on
outdoor gigs - FRUGALHORN A sensible and inexpensive brass instrument
- GAUL BLATTER A French horn player
- GOOD CONDUCTOR A person who can give an electrifying performance
- GREGORIAN CHAMP The title bestowed upon the monk who can hold a note the longest
- GROUND HOG Someone who takes control of the repeated bass line and won’t let anyone else play it
- KVETCHENDO Gradually getting annoyingly louder
- MALLADE A romatic song that’s pretty awful
- MOLTO BOLTO Head straight for the ending
- OPERA BUFFA Musical stage production by nudists
- PLACEBO DOMINGO A faux tenor
- POOCHINI MUSICAL Performance, accompanied by a dog
- PRE-CLASSICAL CONSERVATISM School of thought which fostered the idea, “if it ain’t baroque, don’t fix it.”
- SCHMALZANDO A sudden burst of music from the Guy Lombardo band
- THE RIGHT OF STRINGS Manifesto of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Violists
- SPRITZICATO An indication to string instruments to produce a bright and bubbly sound, usually accompanied by sparkling water with lemon (wine optional)
- TEMPO TANTRUM What an elementary school orchestra is having when it’s not following the conductor
- TINCANABULATION The annoying or imitating sounds made by extremely cheap bells
- TROUBLE CLEF Any clef one can’t read: e.g., alto clef for pianists
- VESUVIOSO An indication to gradually build up to a fiery conclusion
- VIBRATTO Child prodigy son of the concertmaster